


How Bucky Barnes Finally Admitted his Feelings for Steve Rogers

by sparkly_butthole



Series: The Lessons of Bucky Barnes [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: A lot - Freeform, Angst, Bottom Steve Rogers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, First Time, Fluff, M/M, Making Love, Top Bucky Barnes, a little bit, but that's going to change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 14:05:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11602188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparkly_butthole/pseuds/sparkly_butthole
Summary: What's it going to take, Barnes?





	How Bucky Barnes Finally Admitted his Feelings for Steve Rogers

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Arke](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arke/gifts).



> This is another gift for my buddy Arke
> 
> Unbeta'ed. All mistakes are my own.

“It’s okay, Steve, you’re gonna be fine. You’ll be fine, I promise you.”

Bucky shouldn’t be making promises like that, but Steve’s so pale and Bucky’s so scared he needs the encouragement as much as his best friend does. He’d come home after work to find him on the floor of their bedroom, clutching his chest and whining low in his throat. Barely breathing, too.

Fuck, Bucky’s scared as _hell._

“Buck, I _am_ fine.” That sweet, sweet voice is strained but surprisingly strong, and it gives him hope. Surely Steve will pull through this. That’s what that means, right?

When the ambulance arrives, paramedics carefully pull Steve onto their gurney, making to leave Bucky in the dust behind them. He reaches out to grab an arm, but the medic shakes it off. Nobody wants to beg for something like this, but what else is he supposed to do?

“Please, guys, let me come with. I can’t afford a ride to the hospital, and I’m all he has.”

It’s sad, but it’s also the truth.

The man whose arm he’d grabbed eyes him shrewdly. “And just who are you to this young man?”

“I’m his cousin. His ma passed away a few years ago and I stay here to help him out.”

They share a single bed. With Steve’s illnesses, it’s conceivable that a cousin would lend a warm body in the winter, but it’s still suspicious. Bucky winces internally, hoping they don’t push further. Thankfully, the guy relents; Bucky’s not sure how much lyin’ he’s prepared to do today. Not when Steve’s like this.

“Yeah, okay, but stay outta the way. I’m not supposed to let you do this and I could get into major trouble, alright?”

“Yes, sir, of course.”

At least they’re letting him come with. It’s something to be thankful for.

 

Of course things get worse. Life always has a way of making things worse, doesn’t it?

Steve’s face is drawn; his color’s gotten a little better but the pallor is returning. Bucky’s face probably isn’t any better.

But Steve is braver than he is. “So how long do I have?”

“I give it a good five years. If you eat well and exercise- carefully, of course- you might have up to ten.” The doctor smiles sympathetically, no doubt well practiced in such conversations.

“Alright. Thanks.” Only Steve would thank a doctor for saying he had five years to live.

“Absolutely, young man. The nurse will be by to give you your discharge instructions. She’s offered to take you two home herself, so you won’t have to pay for a cab.” He gives them both a meaningful look. It means two things: the doctor knows they’re poor, and he also knows they’re queer. And he’s not going to say a word to anyone about either.

Bucky wants to cry at the kindness of others.

As the doctor leaves, Steve’s eyes catch his own, such a dull blue in the hospital lights. Not like they are outside in the sun, sparkling and mirthful. Suddenly, he wishes he could walk Steve home, but they’re too far away and Steve’s in no condition for it. He needs rest.

But before he gets it, Bucky has something to fix.

 

As soon as the apartment door closes, Bucky sweeps Steve up in his arms and kisses him something fierce, bruising and passionate and nothing like it’s ever been before. Steve’s floored.

When he runs out of breath, he pulls back to look at Bucky, who seems more desperate than Steve’s ever seen. Bucky grabs him under the butt and picks him up like he weighs nothing, carrying him to the bedroom. But then he sits carefully on the edge of the bed and settles Steve onto his lap so that Steve is straddling him, holding on tight. It’s a weird juxtaposition of moods.

And it’s _so_ unlike Bucky. All of it.

“Buck, what the hell’s gotten into you?”

“Shh. Just let me take care of you, Stevie.”

He pulls Steve in and kisses him, tenderly this time. Steve’s not about to complain, but this is bizarre behavior from his best friend. They’ve done sexual things together; in fact, some of them they do on the regular. When Bucky gets twitchy in their shared bed, Steve knows just what he needs. Sometimes, afterwards, Bucky will leave and not come back until the next morning. This is usually followed by a date the next night and some dame in their bed with Steve stuck in the living room for who knows how long. Occasionally, Steve ends up sleeping on the couch.

It’s usually done in a certain manner, though, and it’s nothing like this. They kiss; he always makes sure that his noises are high-pitched, mimicking a dame’s. It’s not just for the neighbors’ edification, either. He knows intuitively that Bucky needs to believe he’s not a queer, so he does his best to pretend. Truth is, Steve loves Bucky and would do anything he needed to in order to keep him happy.

They don’t make love. It’s always a hand job or a blow job or occasionally rubbing against each other. Bucky never touches him with his hands, and they never go all the way.

Steve has the feeling that’s about to change.

Bucky attacks his lips once more, and Steve just hangs on for the ride. He can feel Bucky’s erection pressing up against his own, and the hands around his back hold him tightly against the older boy’s chest. It’s so incredibly intimate that Steve can’t help but melt into the attention against his better judgment.

“Bucky, what the hell is going on with you?”

“I told you already. I’m gonna take care of you.”

Before he can object, his clothes are flying off, his best friend somehow managing to undress Steve without lifting him. In less than a minute, he’s stark naked on Bucky’s lap and embarrassed as hell.

“Bucky!”

“Shhh,” Buck whispers against his lips, arms tugging him in.

Then his best friend reaches for the bedside table and pulls out the slick, and Steve starts struggling.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, I’m here, I’ve got you, it’s okay,” Bucky soothes.

Miraculously, the soft words and low voice work. Steve can’t deny that he wants this, has wanted it for as long as he’s been able to get hard. What it will mean for their relationship, he doesn’t know, but it’s been an emotional day and Bucky’s offering to take care of him.

So he decides he’ll let him.

“You sure you want this, baby?”

This time, Steve initiates the kiss. “More than anything. I just-”

“No. No just. Okay? Stop thinking. Let go, let me handle it, okay?”

Bucky smiles, the warm, genuine upturn of those generous lips that never fails to light Steve up from the inside out. Then his eyes roll back as Bucky’s fingers breach his most intimate part. It’s surprisingly not painful. There’s pressure, and it feels weird, but Steve wants to feel his best friend move inside him, wants to feel him make love to him, and he relaxes easily into the other boy’s touch. It’s unfortunate that he has to silence the noises that want to escape, but that’s the reality of the situation. Still, it’s phenomenal. And there’s something kind of hot about having to keep it all in.

It doesn’t take long until there are three fingers opening him wide, scissoring, slow and steady and so very _exquisite_ it causes Steve to undulate like a cobra from one of those carnival shows. And when Bucky curls his fingers inward, hitting that bundle of nerves he didn’t even know existed, his vision whites out for a moment.

Gasping, he asks, “Where the hell did you learn how to do that?”

Bucky gives him an odd look. “I have a body too, Steve.”

It’s absurd to imagine his best friend doing this to himself. “Okay. Can you do it again?”

“No. I’m gonna give you so much better, doll.”

Until now, their cocks have been separated by trousers and underwear, but Bucky rectifies that. He pulls his beautiful cock out, and Steve winces. How is he gonna fit that inside?

“Don’t worry, Stevie. Gonna take real good care of you. Promise.”

Bucky pulls him impossibly close, so close he has to squirm to adjust himself so that his dick isn’t squished between them. Using one hand, Buck lines himself up, spreading Steve’s cheeks; he slides the other up Steve’s back and tugs his hair gently.

“Look at me, Steve Rogers. Look at me when I slide into you.”

To his astonishment, there are tears in his best friend’s eyes when their bodies meld. It’s so different from anything that’s passed between them before and it’s utterly breathtaking; it makes this moment mean so much more than it already does.

He slides down with agonizing slowness, Bucky providing some resistance against the power of gravity, enough to make sure Steve’s comfortable, but hell, he’s more comfortable than he’s ever been in his life. Like Bucky was made to fit inside him.

“How does it feel, Steve?” Bucky asks in a strained voice once he’s fully surrounded by Steve’s silky warmth.

It takes Steve a minute to respond as his body clenches around Bucky.  “Like you’re so far in me I should be able to taste you.”

“Yeah. God, I’m not gonna last a minute like this.”

Steve hopes it lasts forever.

They stare at each other, Bucky fully sheathed inside him. He still doesn’t get it, what’s really going on here.

“Why now, Buck?” Steve whispers against his lips.

Bucky pulls back a little, enough to look into Steve’s eyes, and his face crumples. His lower lip starts to tremble. “Stevie. Baby.” Tears flow freely down his face. Steve gently wipes them away with a finger.

Bucky’s eyes speak of a pain no physical ailment could ever match. He runs his calloused fingers through Steve’s golden strands while the other arm holds him tight. “Because you’re perfect, Stevie, everything about you is perfect. Your golden hair, pale skin, small frame. Your heart.”

The older boy’s breath hitches. Bucky’s clearly trying to hold himself together for his best friend. “Your heart,” and here he puts his hand on Steve’s chest as though to reassure himself it is still beating. “Your courage. Your kindness. Your ability to forgive.”

Bucky reaches out to kiss Steve; this time it’s soft and slow, sensual, Bucky pouring every ounce of feeling into it. “You’re like the sunlight, Steve,” he whispers, pulling their foreheads together. “Pure, so pure like the sunlight. I love you. I love you, and I don’t care if that makes me a queer, or bent, or whatever other word you wanna call me. A sinner. If loving someone like this is wrong, me and God got a problem with each other.”

Steve’s eyes close against the onslaught of emotion. He knows Bucky’s lusted after him; their little arrangement wouldn’t work if that wasn’t the case to some extent, but to know that he returns Steve’s feelings? He’d die a million times if it meant he got to hear the words from those pouty lips again. "You know I love you too, right?" he murmurs.

Bucky nods and keeps going. He was always a smooth talker with the dames, but Steve’d wager no dame has ever heard him talk like this before. “I’d end the world for you, Stevie. Anything. Anything you desire, it’s yours. All you have to do is ask me.” Bucky sniffles and pulls back once more to meet Steve’s eyes. “It’s yours,” he repeats.

“Anything, huh?”

“Anything,” Bucky rolls his hips up and Steve gasps. He’s so incredibly _full._ And not just full of dick, either. Full of something much deeper, much more profound than the physical.

“Would you submit to me?” he asks in a small voice.

“In a heartbeat.” Bucky winces at his own words. “Yes, I would. And believe me when I say it’d be no sacrifice on my part.” He groans at the thought; Steve can’t believe Bucky’s dick could get any harder, but it does. He can feel it inside him, engorged and hot.

“You’ll let me fuck you? Let me put you on your knees, tell you what to do?”

“A hundred times over. A hundred times a hundred. I fuckin’ love you, you punk. But right now, it’s me fuckin’ you.”

Bucky starts to move, pushing his hips up and tipping Steve back just that little bit, just enough so that his dick rubs against the front wall of Steve’s entrance. They both cry out as his muscles clench in pleasure around the cock impaling him: it feels so fucking good he can hardly believe it.

Bucky leans over a little to get some leverage and speeds up, then takes Steve’s hard length in hand, something he’s never once done. He’s crying again, and the tears fall down onto Steve’s naked skin. Their eyes meet once more, and Steve can no longer hold it in. He’s got five years left, and Bucky loves him. It’s too much to hold in. He cries in emotional pain and screams in physical pleasure all at once.

Entirely too soon, his body convulses and he comes all over himself, all the way up to his chin. Bucky follows, shooting hot and wet inside of him, proof that he’s more than just a comfort to his best friend. Proof that they made love.

Proof that he _matters._

 

It kills Bucky to see his sweet Stevie cry.

He’d expected the experience to make him feel even more guilty than he usually did when they fooled around, but that’s somehow not the case. He feels… free. Now that the truth is out there, they can move on. To what, he’s not sure, but at least it’s away from the shitty manner he’s treated Steve for the past two years.

He holds Steve on his lap while he cries, while they both cry, as closely as he can. It’s close enough to feel Steve’s racing heartbeat against his own chest. He tries to will some of his own heart’s strength into his best friend, but that’s a foolish thing to wish for. Better not to torment himself. Better to face forward and be honest about what the future holds for them.

One thing’s certain, though: He’s gonna hold onto his best friend for as long as he possibly can. Steve is everything to him.

Eventually, their sobs subside to hiccups and they pull away from each other, though Bucky doesn’t let his fella go completely. Steve’s had a long day, and it’s still his job to take care of him.

“Lay down, baby. I’m here. I’m gonna get you some water and wash you with a towel. Then I’ll make you some beans for dinner, and go and get you some of my mama’s apple pie. And we can eat and lie back together. Sound good, sweetheart?”

“Yeah, Buck. Sounds perfect.”

The day’s events are catching up with Stevie, especially since he’s not resisting _sweetheart_. Fuck, but he hates it when Bucky calls him that.

Bucky grins. He’s gonna keep taking care of his guy as long as he’ll let him. Because he _loves_ him, see.

He just wishes it hadn’t taken this long to realize it.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not exactly an expert on medical care in the 1930s and ‘40s, so I apologize for any historical inaccuracies. 
> 
> I have an interest in continuing with this couple, if any of you think you might like that. Steve’s got… plans… for Bucky. mwahahahaha


End file.
